Do NOT Date the Waiter

My single ass finally gets asked out on a legitimate date, by a man with a job who opens car doors and has great facial hair.  Basically a home run in terms of pluses for me, on paper.  We go on two dates--generally unimpressive, but enjoyable enough that I was fairly optimistic about the future progression.  I then make the terrible mistake of letting one hour and forty six minutes pass before I respond to a vague text, and his emotionally unstable world comes crashing down.  I'm reactivating my OkCupid because this real life meeting people is not working for this girl.  Bon Appetit:


Needs Therapy @ 609p 2/9
Hey! How is it going?

Needs Therapy @ 755p 2/9
Hey! So since you're not answering your phone, I thought to just say what I THINK is happening. Spoiler Alert: VERY LONG TEXT!
I don't know if I've said something or perhaps done something that might have offended you. Last thing I remember was that you invited me to your house and we were both pretty tired. I wanted to make love to you and pamper you, but you were sleepy and I was tired and had to work the next day. Plus, I didn't want you to think I'm moving too fast...sex is not all I want, even though I enjoy it very much! So a bit confused about what you expected of me. Apparently you are not happy of the outcome! And as a result very not responsive to my texts! (Unless you tell me otherwise, I'm just gonna assume these things).
Since I asked you on a "date" I figured you would know that I'm looking for a partner, not a hit-n-run fling! So, longer short of it, if you are not interested, just say so! I won't be offended. It is extremely disrespectful to leave someone hanging like this. If you want to talk and grab a beer, then we can talk face to face. Hope you are well...

Me @ 106p 2/10
I'm sorry to have made you feel like that, I genuinely just think our schedules and lives are not in sync.  The past few months have been really busy for me, so I'm sorry if you took my lack of response personally--it wasn't intended.

Needs Therapy @ 201p 2/10
Why don't you be honest with me? Even the president would have the time to text someone back...just be honest.

Me @ 217p 2/10 
To be quite honest, I was interested--up until your text last night.  You obviously want something I'm not giving, so I hope you can find someone who can.  Good luck to you.

Needs Therapy @ 250p 2/10 
I'm gonna call you when I' done and discuss this like adults. Because apparently you are reading my texts in a wrong way...

Then seriously calls me three times.  No voice mail.  I'm sad about the no voice mail part.  


Needs Therapy @ 458p 2/10 
All I was expecting was to hear from you and some attentiveness. Obviously you are a player. If you were even slightly interested you would have called/texted after a death in your family or couple of stressful, busy days at work. But you didn't! I don't regret taking you out on a date. I just feel bad for your poor daughter who has a mother like you! you might feel good rejecting me because your ass has been rejected before!!! Happy trails...karma is a bitch! Trust me...





Despite the fact that I find this 95% amusing that I could have this much pull on a man who I've hung out with in real life twice--the other 5% of me entirely regrets that I let him pick me up at my house on the first date. #deadbolt

p.s. aren't you glad we're back from our exactly one year hiatus?