Rirruto

Remember in second grade when they told you if you couldn’t write in cursive you’d never even be accepted into middle school, and you’d probably be a homeless methaddict by the age of 14?  WELL SCREW YOU MRS. ERICKSON, because I suck at cursive and I got all the way to freshman year of college!  Matter of fact I can barely read my own freehand.  Now the only time I see cursive is when my grandma writes me letters (evoking flashbacks of me sitting on the floor crying as a child not being able to read these letters because, yep—you guessed it…they were in CURSIVE) or when I sign my name.  Now that I have a name other than my maiden name, I really suck at cursive—Definitely rirruto'd that k:

We Draw Pictures on Thursdays Because We Are Salaried

Today's theme is Being Rich

Nice to meet you, Dave! See ya later, TONY!

If you ever run into a guy who talks about nothing but competing in an ironman and building things, you're probably at a bar--or you're probably talking to my friend's landlord.  If you find a time where he's not talking about himself, you're not talking to this guy.  In your first conversation with him, you will learn specific details regarding the following: girlfriend issues, daddy issues, mommy issues, and that he does ironman and builds things.  That first conversation will take the fun out of all future conversations, so for conversation # 2 the only thing you can do to escape is:  make zero eye contact and hope he stops talking, try to talk constantly so he thinks you're rude and leaves, or [the only thing that has worked thus far] play rap music loudly on repeat.  He'll refer to it as "that music." You can use this one:

  

            

FOOD—Tavira Chevy Chase, MD

The short: Confusingly fancy, tiny portions, but delicious.  Weird location but they had live music. 

The long: Despite the fact that I felt like trailer trash from not being able to differentiate between the three sets of cutlery and the two bread plates (make note, the one with designs IS the bread plate) this place was pretty cool.  If you order the Chouriço Assado com Brandy, prepare yourself for what my date called “A HOTDOG?!”  It was however, on fire when we got it, which made up for how…not well endowed that appetizer was.  We also shared the Pimentos Assados Recheados com Queijo.  Goat cheese kicks ass.  Wine was pretty well priced in contrast to the food, which never seems to be the case.  Wait staff was stuffy and if you are under 50, you will stick out like a sore thumb.  They eventually warmed up to us and a waiter who was floating around the dining room (tall black guy named Horace) had a normal conversation with us and brought us each a [free] little glass of port.  Two guys, one on classical guitar—one on a djembe, played in the corner.  If you see a Groupon for this place, I would recommend it—but not without one. 

*Weird free parking garage has a T-shirt looking mark on the ground right by the entrance.  I made Erica “wear the T-shirt.”  That’s what friends are for.

Take your bc on time or invest in a lot more Tide

Laundry sucks.  Don't even try to say you like laundry.  Now take the displeasure of laundry and literally multiply it by a zillion when you have a kid.  You will turn right side out, sort, wash, and fold, ten times more little effing pieces of microscopic stupid clothing than seems humanly fair--in one load.  Aside from the sheer volume of clothing that is one load, the amount of shit in the pockets that could potentially ruin an entire load becomes an every load search and destroy.  These items include but are not limited to: crayons, markers, entire packs of gum, chocolate, stamp pads, and stickers.  My work slacks, favorite bra, and inside of my dryer all have spearmint gum welded to them.

Slurpees Are Trashy Ice Cream

Froyo: Trendy and awesome and arguably healthful.
Ice Cream: Undeniably tasty--part of every wholesome and happy childhood.
Slurpee: Trashy.  Unless you are from Children of the Mountains http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=6845770&page=1 and your childhood involved drinking mountain dew out of a baby bottle, you are not excused from this judgment. 

Enjoy your free Slurpee today!