I like some anonymity when I’m taking a shit.

I have the most awkward bathroom at work.  It’s two stalls.  Not like one where you can go solo, not like three where you can skip a stall and avoid someone identifying your shoes…two.  Two is SO awkward.  It’s the most awkward when you go in and someone is already in the other stall, you do your biz, and they are still sitting there.  Just chillin.  Probably playing words with friends.  But I feel like I need to haul ass to get out of the bathroom like they are just crossing their fingers that you’ll leave before something explosive happens.  Then it’s real awkward when someone walks in and WASHES THEIR HANDS FIRST just so you will hurry up and get out.  I like order.  I like for you to leave before I do if you’re in there first.  And no talking.  Now, none of this applies if I had an Ally McBeal style bathroom which I do want terribly.